Chapter 1

In my research over the last two decades, I’ve discovered that millions of women are experiencing a gut-wrenching “power-paradox”…

On the one hand, women in the West today have truly become the most autonomous, free, independent, educated, and powerful generation of women in recorded history…

Women now control 20 trillion in annual spending. According to Time magazine, “We are on the brink of a massive power shift, a grinding of the gears of history.”

Fast Company declared that “women as a group have the power to define this century and beyond”

And yet at the same time, these women also feel powerless to create the things we most deeply yearn for!

Let’s take a look at what the research has to say:

• Women are being heralded as saviors of the global economy, having become decision-makers with over a trillion dollars of annual spending power.
• Women are now the primary breadwinners in many American households.
• Women are graduating in higher numbers from college than men.
• Women now have the freedom to create any kind of relationship we want to have in our lives… from marriage, to living together, to having multiple partners.
• Women have been launching businesses at a higher rate than men for years now… 3 times higher!
• Women in leadership positions in corporations are creating success at higher levels by every measure.
• We also comprise the majority of participants in self-development programs and spiritual communities.
• The Dalai Lama even prophesied that “Western women are going to save the world.”

There’s a sense that something big is possible…

That this is the moment for women to RISE…

That we have a grand calling and a great destiny.

However, studies are showing that at the same time we’re less happy and more lonely and depressed than we’ve ever been:

• Over 20% of women are on antidepressants (not counting those of us who feel unhappy and unfulfilled and aren’t on antidepressants).
• 50% of us have an unhealthy relationship with either food or our bodies. When you count those of us who complain about our thighs, that figure goes up to about 98%.
• Studies show that as many as 50% of us are living alone, and those who do have partners, surprisingly, are having way less sex than our grandmothers!
• 6 out of 10 women experience overwhelming financial stress—many to the point where we can’t sleep at night—and not sleeping is the #1 cause of chronic illness!
• And even though we’re starting businesses at higher rates, a staggering 95% of us never break through the six-figure barrier or go on to have the larger impact we want to have or make the contributions we desire to make.

This Power Paradox speaks to the common story I hear today among smart, creative, conscious women: their lives aren’t filled with the joy they’d hoped for.

It’s not exactly a feeling of depression, but rather a sense of disappointment that somehow life is not as good as it could be.

In spite of having achieved so many accomplishments to be proud of, the majority of women are feeling called to a much larger life than they’ve been able to create…

A life of higher creativity, purpose, love, vitality, values-aligned prosperity, self-care and wellbeing, leadership, influence, and impact.

Even though a woman might make a good living, she’s not making enough to truly live her dreams—or support her loved ones to live theirs.

She might have supportive friends, but most of her conversations with them only occur on the surface and she feels alone at a deeper level.

She may be yearning for a loving relationship, yet lack the confidence to risk opening her heart again after having gone through break-ups and divorce (currently at higher numbers than any other generation!).

She may have many creative gifts and talents, but she feels she isn’t fully expressing them or impacting others in ways that truly reflect her potential.

While she’s so very caring and loving, giving so much to others, she’s also neglecting to care for herself in ways that are impacting her health and leaving her feeling depleted.

In the quiet of the night, and in her private moments, she’s feeling an ache in her soul, and a secret fear that she might leave this world without knowing the love, contribution, joy and fulfillment she had hoped to experience.

And it’s painful and confusing, because in spite of having more opportunities than ever, there’s still “something more” that she’s yearning for but can’t quite reach… or even see the pathway to create.

I call the experience of the pain, confusion and depression created by this gap the “Unsung Song Syndrome.”

Women from all walks of life are suffering from it.

Especially smart, conscious, gifted women like doctors, lawyers, judges, Ph.D.s, nurses, coaches, teachers, healers, accountants, business executives, photographers, artists, IT professionals, musicians, professors, paralegals, health educators, writers, therapists, and more; are all suffering from this syndrome.

I had one client, literally a rocket scientist, who was suffering from the syndrome—this deep sense of “something more,” without clarity about how to bring it forth.

And the worst part, is that women tend to blame themselves for not being able to make their lives work.

What the %$#& is going on here?!

Why is it that in spite of all of the accomplishments and skills we have, and all the success we achieve, we still struggle to realize our potential?

It’s not a personal failure that creates this gap; there’s something much bigger going on that’s part of a larger story of women awakening to power.

The truth is that our struggles come from the fact that we’ve been playing an unwinnable game.

The key finding from my doctoral research and my work coaching and mentoring women is that, over the last 50 years, the majority of women have been embracing and mastering a Masculine System of Power.

Until now, power has been defined exclusively in masculine terms.

When you look up the word “power” in the dictionary, you’ll see it defined as “to do, to act, to accomplish, to make things happen,” and even: “to exert force over others!”

The very way we conceive of power in our world and our culture at large is through a masculine system, sourced from logical, linear, strategic thinking.

This masculine power system has given us the miracles of science and the marvels of industry. It has enabled us to create an unprecedented standard of living and have opportunities beyond our grandmothers’ wildest dreams.

It was a brilliant strategy for us to collectively take on mastering the masculine power system, some 50 years ago, to level the playing field between men and women.

There is still a long way to go, especially on a global scale,but embracing the masculine system has yielded nothing but huge advancements for women everywhere.

(IMPORTANT NOTE: Not all women have embraced the Masculine Power System and the ability to create material success that comes along with it.

Many have rejected it because they can’t bear the pain of the disconnection from themselves that it costs, and instead they have invested in their relationships and spiritual development…

But in spite of a tremendous amount of personal growth, they too have been unable to make their deeper potential manifest, and often feel the ache of the same gap that many women who have achieved career success following the traditional routes are now experiencing as they haven’t known how to access an alternative system of power. I’ll share more about this in the next section!)

We must acknowledge that this masculine power system IS and has been valuable and useful for a certain set of things.

For anything that is predictable and controllable, anything you set a goal to achieve, break down into steps, and can create with a step-by-step plan, the Masculine Power System is definitely the way to go!

However, The Power Paradox research reveals that women are now yearning for something more that’s beyond equal access to power in the world as it is.

Women don’t just want more stuff or status; we want to BECOME all that we can be…

Read on to discover what’s underneath this historic SHIFT and what you need to know to serve women at this new stage!

Chapter 1

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